What were you thinking when you bought that dress”
“Are you sure you want to eat that cake? You may burst out”
“Your work is just a timepass”
At some point in time, we all have faced some of these comments or different versions of them where we feel ridiculed for the choices we make, the way we look, or for the work we do. People often think that these sorts of remarks are funny and harmless and the receiving end should also feel the same. However, when you don’t stand up against these statements you are letting the other person invade your personal boundary.
What is personal boundary?
Wikipedia explains personal boundaries as limits that help people define their likes, dislikes, alignments, and also setting distances one allows others to approach. There are no predefined personal boundaries since it is a relative idea. For example, the border you set with your friends is different from what you have with your partner. Furthermore, these borderlines are distinctive as it varies from person to person. Meaning, the boundaries you set for yourself will be different from others.
Why is it important to have a personal boundary?
It took me years to acknowledge the need for boundaries in my life. To accept that it is okay to say ‘No’ or ‘Stop’ when my feelings are hurt. How I wish I knew that having boundaries is not selfish! On the contrary, it is indispensable to set standards for your life, and for people you allow in it. For, those standards will preserve your self-respect, self-worth, and your right to choices.
When you set boundaries for yourself, it is important to understand possible violations too. How will you know that the limits are crossed? Here are the 3 most common ways your personal boundaries are being crossed.
This happens when someone is yelling at you or cursing you. When the other person’s voice is being raised to prove a point. In addition to these scenarios, when you are not being heard or if someone is not letting you speak is also a verbal violation. In other words, it is a destructive form of communication that can deteriorate a person’s self-concept and induce negative feelings. This can occur from your partner or any family member, your co-worker, or from your friend. Prolonged verbal violations can have a detrimental impact on your mental health.
Psychological and emotional violation
This is a form of violation when a person is unswervingly trying to ruin your dignity. This can happen when an individual is constantly pulling you down, judging, and criticizing you. Furthermore, if someone is using your secret for their gain or you being manipulated by your abuser also contributes to an emotional violation. In addition to that, if a person is invading your privacy, he/she is over-controlling, possessive, and often dismiss your feelings then also you are being violated emotionally. When your psychological tolerance limits are infringed consistently it can have a long-lasting influence on your emotional well-being.
Physical violation is when your moral or physical limits are being crossed. If someone is breaching your personal space by handling things that belong to you or privacy by controlling your phone, email, or social media at that point in time, you are physically violated. It also occurs when your personal properties are being destroyed or you are being threatened of physical harm.
The aforementioned are the most common ways your tolerance limits are breached. Identifying when your boundaries are violated and saying no to those people and circumstances plays a crucial role in self-acceptance and self-loving. It is of paramount importance that you recognize people who respect you, your space, and your boundaries as opposed to those who do not. It is only then that you can have a healthy relationship with yourself and with others, you let you into your life, subsequently impeding your chances of being in a toxic relationship
So, how many of these violations have you dealt with? Were you able to recognize them as boundary violations? How did you deal with them? Let us know.